thoughts: growing up

Tumblr 

The person who I have shared most of my life with is my sister. Opposites with similar touches, she's someone I do not hesitate imposing my emotions on. She is someone I can argue with and know that the relationship will still be intact. She is someone I share my inner thoughts and beliefs with, and know she will take them at face value. She calls me out of my derangement at times and anchors my sanity. Most days she is the last person I speak to and not doing so will often make me feel like something is a bit off. One of my fondest memories, whether she feels the same or not, or even recalls it at all, is our nightly chats. Growing up sharing the same bedroom, always just a couple of feet away from each other, I could always expect her to be there. We could be in silence or have different conversations with each other, it was always me and her after a day of school. But the best conversations we had were the ones at night when we lie awake in the dark, hearing the soothing sounds of passing cars outside. We would talk about life and love and wonderment of what those could be while staring up at the ceiling we could not see in the dark. What did we believe in back then? Did we share the same ideas? Were we going through similar experiences? I do not remember at all. But I do remember the clicks of connections we were having: the feeling that I know there was no other person I could lay in the dark with and share my barest thoughts, layers of skin peeled away. 

Last night, years later, we had another one of these conversations. And once again a conversation about life and love. The wonderment of life and love. The mystery of life and love. Did our views change since we were teenagers? Some might say growing up and experiencing life have jaded their perspectives. I like to say my views have evolved with still a hint of my young and wild essence. We still have a sense of wonderment but now with an added touch of experience that comes with just living and growing. Talking to her last night made me realize how young we both still are because we are still the same girls thinking about the same things we were thinking about back in that bedroom. We both haven't figured out life. But that is the best part about life. That there is no carved out path that you discover and can see where it leads. It's always a changing path. It will definitely lead somewhere and you will definitely get there but you do not have to draw out the map now. You may not know this, but you are already on a path that belongs to you. You can't see where it's going because you are always changing. But it is definitely your own path. A path that no one knows of. It is one that you are discovering and creating. No amount of years on you will make it easier to find a short cut. And that's why I am still here today, wondering about life. The same feeling that I have carried with me growing up. It is actually a wonderful feeling knowing that I'm still driven with this wonderment. And I hope everyone carries the feeling as well. Always wonder. Always daydream. Always not knowing.